There is a lot of information out there on gender and youth, with varying degrees of accuracy and helpfulness. How do you make sense of it?
First, consider the source. Where is this information coming from? Is it a doctor? A parent? A nameless social post quoting a statistic? Dig into the where when you’re coming across information.
Yes, this is more work for you, and you’re probably already feeling overloaded. But this is important, because if you blindly accept everything you read or hear, you’ll end up accepting some bad information. Honing your critical faculties is key when your child is exploring gender. It will help keep your focus on your child’s needs. And by having a frame work to review information, it will generally keep you calmer. (It’s easy to have freak outs as a parent, ask me how I know…)
Statistics:
Trace them back to the source. Things to look for:
- What survey did this come from?
- How large was the sample?
- Who commissioned the study?
- Was it random or self-selecting?
No single one of these issues will tell you, “Oh, this is a bad study”, but gathering this information will help you assess the reliability of the study, as well as its intention. Some studies are done solely to provide statistics to support a preconceived idea. You may be able to tell this by who commissioned it. For instance, Moms for Liberty are not an unbiased organization, and any surveys they sponsor are undoubtedly going to skew to support their perspective.
Doctors:
We are trained to accept doctors as an authority. But you still have the right to question them and their ideas. A medical degree is not a guarantee of infallibility. Doctors don’t have all the answers, and they’re not experts in every area.
Things to ask:
- What is your field of study?
- What is your experience with gender?
- Where are you getting your information to base your recommendations on?
Hopefully, if you’re working with an endocrinologist or psychologist, you’ve already vetted them and feel comfortable with their expertise. Even in these situations, doctors may say things or have ideas that aren’t aligned with yours. They may be right, they may not be. In these situations, respectfully discuss options to come to decisions that best suit your child – not the hypothetical “best practices” child.
Other Parents:
This can be a tricky one. Parents are great sources of community and information. But remember, all parents have their own experience, and that is not necessarily the same experience you’ll have. Some parents have children who explore gender and also have neuroatypical presentations. They will have a different path than the child who is just exploring gender.
Just because a parent shares “it happened to me” doesn’t mean it will happen to you. Remember to keep your focus on your own child’s needs, and don’t “borrow trouble” (as my grandmother used to say) from other people. Their experience is valid, but you don’t have to take it on as a worry unless you have reason to.
In general, train yourself to look beyond the shock value and understand where the information is coming from. It will help you assess its validity, and whether or not it should be brought to bear on your child’s path.