The North Star in North Star Parenting is your child, happy and healthy. The North Star serves as a metaphorical compass, directing parents to center their child's well-being at the core of their decision-making. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of centering your child in all decisions related to gender exploration.

Your North Star serves as a framework for filtering information, navigating uncertainties, and making decisions that prioritize the child's well-being. Of course, "happy and healthy" is not about expecting a perfect, problem-free existence for your child. If only! It’s shorthand for promoting emotional well-being and self-contentment.

Let’s start with filtering information. You gather information from a variety of places – first and foremost, from your child. They are a source of truth, because no one knows how they feel better than themselves. Listen to them respectfully and openly. If your child is sharing with you that they feel their gender needs exploring, congratulations. This means that you already have a pretty good, trusting relationship with them.

You’ll also get information from external sources – doctors, other parents, the internet. Some of these are reputable and trustworthy and some are not. Untrustworthy sources can come from any category, not just online! You’ll have to filter the information you get through your North Star – will this advice, this path forward help my child?

Your North Star will help you navigate uncertainty. We don’t have a way to identify transgender people, like a strep test. Children who explore their gender aren’t all going to go on to become transgender, non-binary or otherwise gender expansive. Some will just be exploring, and go on to return to their original gender.

Exploring gender has become part of how people figure out who they are. A lot of the time, exploration is done in how they dress, who they hang out with, the music they listen to. Today, gender is part of identity, and can be explored more casually. That means young people may dip in and out of genders in ways we’ve never seen before. And guess what – that’s a lot of uncertainty for a parent to handle! By approaching it with your North Star – does this make my child happy and healthy? – it helps you recognize what’s positive and what’s not for your child.

Your North Star can help you with decision-making. In the context of gender exploration, parents are bombarded with a deluge of information, misinformation, and societal pressure. The North Star principle helps you to filter through this noise. You’ll use your child's happiness and health as the guiding point in decision-making. By doing so, you’ll be fostering an environment where your child feels seen, heard, and supported in their journey. And wherever they land on gender, your focus is always “happy and healthy”.

As a supportive parent, you’ll create the environment where your child feels emotionally secure and accepted for who they are – whoever that may be. And with this, a deeper, trusting relationship with your child.

No, instead of a guide book, what I can provide is a type of scaffolding, a framework, that you can use throughout your child’s gender exploration. This framework will allow you to be the strongest, best parent possible for your child. I call it (unoriginally!) your North Star, and by following it, you help your child be happy and healthy, to have them thrive as themselves.